3 tips on how to be more confident in yourself and your abilities

3 tips to become more confident in your own strengths and abilities
The causes of low self-confidence and low self-esteem often lie in and are learned from our past experiences. Learn 3 easy-to-use tips to 3 tips on how to be more confident in yourself and your abilities 

Self-confidence is the prerequisite for a successful and fulfilling personal and professional life. What to do if you have low self-confidence?


The causes of lack of self-confidence

Low self-confidence is learned. If we don't trust ourselves and are shy, it is because we had experiences in childhood that made us feel that there was something wrong with us and that we were not well.

These experiences led me to the fact that, as adults, we carry within us a voice that never has a good or kind word for us and which I therefore call the inner critic. It constantly tries to attack our self-esteem, and is very successful and skilled at it.

The inner critic hurls words at us like fool, idiot, failure, coward and wimp or calls us stupid, ugly, incompetent and weak. Our inner critic does nothing to strengthen our self-confidence.

On the contrary, it always has only one thing in mind: to make us "small". Our inner critic does his job so cleverly and skilfully that his criticism always seems justified and well-founded to us.

The birth of the critic

The critic in us arose in our early years, when adults constantly pointed out our faults and weaknesses and punished us with derogatory words and behaviour if we did not comply with their demands.

Are you familiar with the following accusations: "You're good for nothing", "You'll never amount to anything", "You're nothing but trouble", "You're stupid", "You're all thumbs", "You're lazy", "You're nothing but trouble"? Over time, we learned to see ourselves through our parents' eyes and to speak to ourselves as our parents once did. Perhaps we were also bullied at school or made fun of for our looks or our lack of athleticism, and so we were unable to develop self-confidence.

If we want to gain more self-confidence and self-esteem, we have to stop believing the words of our critic. We have to banish the inner critic from our minds and put an encouraging and uplifting voice in its place.

We have to learn to build ourselves up and give ourselves a boost. When we stop putting ourselves down and telling ourselves that we are not good or that we are inferior, we strengthen our self-esteem and self-confidence.

Become more confident in yourself and your abilities thanks to a positive self-image.

Basically, it's about taking the little frightened child inside us and making him see that what he has heard and experienced before is not true and telling him that he is actually adorable, big and strong.

Right now, your self-worth is a foreign concept. It is not you who has decided how much you are worth, others have done it for you.

If you had grown up in a different environment, in an environment that gave you the feeling of being lovable and valuable, you would probably not have such a strong inner critic today, you would be more self-confident and therefore have a positive self-image and more self-confidence.

Your self-esteem comes from your parents and the adults around you, who have often told you that you are not worthy of love. You have adopted their opinions without ever asking yourself whether they are right or wrong, whether they may have been wrong.

3 tips on how to be more confident in yourself and your abilities

TIP 1: A very effective but also very difficult exercise is to say something nice to yourself on a regular basis.

What you should keep in mind for the following exercise: Put yourself in a good mood beforehand by playing happy music, watching or listening to something funny. Don't do this exercise when you are in a bad mood or when you don't feel good about yourself. That would do absolutely nothing.


The exercise is as follows: Say to yourself, "Vera, (insert your first name) I like you. You are adorable. Repeat this sentence to yourself with a smile (!) several times a day. You will have a confusing experience. Everything in you will resist saying such a thing. If you manage to say it, you will not be able to get rid of the feeling that you are telling yourself something that is not true.


You have the feeling that you are lying to yourself. This feeling is completely normal. It must arise because at this moment you are not yet convinced that you are lovable. Only when you have said these words to yourself a few hundred times do they sound more believable and the uncomfortable feeling that you are lying to yourself fades away.


If you want to be more confident in yourself and your abilities, you have to replace the negative opinion you have of yourself with a positive one. If you can tell yourself something nice and positive with a good feeling, then you have a healthy self-esteem, and that is the basis of healthy self-confidence and self-esteem. Read more at Practising self-esteem.


TIP 2: Make a list of the qualities and behaviours you like about yourself, the ones you can live with and the ones you dislike.

Take one by one the qualities you don't like about yourself. For each characteristic, say to yourself, preferably out loud: "I am willing to accept myself as I am, even if ... (e.g. jealousy). I have faults and virtues like every human being". Take the satisfaction test and find out how you can increase your satisfaction with yourself and your life.


TIP 3: At night, in bed, review your day and focus your attention on what you did well and what was positive for you.

There is something you can praise yourself for every day. It doesn't have to be something extraordinary that no one else has done before. Even what others have always managed to do and what you have done for the first time is a success for you. If you overcome your inner weakness and do sport, that is a success. If you have overcome a fear and dared to do something, that is a success.


Be surprised by the weight that falls off your shoulders and how your life changes for the better when you start to trust yourself and your abilities more. 

With this test you can assess your level of self-esteem, although remember that the best option is always to consult a professional. 



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